The Herbal Hair Experience

God created vitamins and herbs, so there must be beneficial uses for each of them. I enjoy discovering their benefits, so when I found the herb mixture for conditioning hair, I was interested. The advertisement promised soft, shiny hair. I purchased a pound of the magical herb mixture, anticipating amazing results.

I couldn’t keep this wonderful product to myself, so I invited my nineteen year-old daughter to join me in the deep conditioning experience. She accepted.

We gathered all of the ingredients and carefully followed the directions. The herbs went into a pan, followed by eggs, oil, and lemon juice. It sounded good enough to eat until the directions mentioned one minor fact. As the mixture is heated, it turns into a green slimy substance, similar to cow slobber. This revelation should have deterred us, but instead, we were further intrigued.

It didn’t take long for the green, cow slobber effect to form, along with the smell. Smells have the ability to bring back memories, and this smell did not disappoint. Our minds went back to our past home in Indiana; our neighbors owned cows. But the smell did not remind us of cow slobber, but something else cows leave behind. My daughter began questioning our intentions as we began breathing through our mouths. I assured her things were proceeding as expected.

The herbal brew fully prepared, we proceeded to the bathtub to apply the concoction. My daughter and I hung our heads over the tub and began smearing the green substance on our hair. We laughed in between moans as we endured the sight and smell of what seemed to be toxic waste. With our hair nicely coated, we wrapped plastic bags around our heads, applied warm towels and waited for the mixture to cook on our heads for forty-five minutes. We decided to sit outside in the Texas sunshine for awhile, hoping to heat up the process. We waited with anticipation of our beautifully conditioned hair.

When the time was up, we retreated to our separate bathrooms to wash the herbal mixture out of our hair. I rinsed my hair, and then I rinsed some more. I soon realized when herbs, eggs, lemon juice and olive oil are placed on hair for 45 minutes, wrapped in a plastic bag, with applied heat, they harden. In fact, I wondered if they would remain on my hair for the rest of my days.

I began laughing. I laughed until I cried as I thought of my daughter trying to wash the herb mixture out of her hair. I knew I would never hear the end of this.

After shampooing four times, most of the herbs were out of my hair. I combed my hair and looked into the mirror to see how shiny my hair had become. I decided my hair would need to be completely dry before I could see the difference.

I went to find my daughter. The look on her face said it all; she was not happy. My daughter has naturally curly hair and the herbs had made her hair frizz.

To make matters worse, it was Wednesday afternoon, a few hours before our mid-week church service. With our hair smelling like cow patties, we vowed not to stand closely to anyone.

It took days to wash the herbs out of our hair and see the return of our hair’s normal shine.

My daughter eventually forgave me. She realized my good intentions in sharing beauty secrets with her.

We pondered my oddness. Most women buy a deep conditioning product from a conventional store; some pay their hair stylist to condition their hair. I chose to order a pound of herbs from a catalog. In spite of everything, I have no regrets. It was worth every penny for the memory.

The herb company is selling these herbs for the wrong purpose. These herbs do not make hair shiny and beautiful; instead they are perfect for adding humor to a day.